Do any of you watch the show "Hoarders" on A&E? I actually don't, but am all too familiar with the topic. I house set one summer. The lady was a serious hoarder. Every shelf, every closet, every space was filled with "stuff." Most of the "stuff" had never been opened. She probably had a year's supply of food. (I ate well that summer!) She had 100s of items of clothing that still had the tags. She had all sorts of appliances still in boxes. I was flabbergasted at the amount of "stuff" she had in her house. Oh if only I could have ebayed all of her stuff!
Her house paled in comparison to a guy I dated a few years ago. I'll call him Harry, Harry the Hoarder. If Harry hasn't been on an episode of "Hoarders" yet he should be! It was unreal!!! I should have figured out there was an issue when he drove a third car on our third date. He had an old SUV that really needed to go to an impound lot. He had to do some weird something to the engine to get it to start. He had an old clunker that would have been sweet all pimped out. He also had a TransAm that would have been "way cool" in the late '80's when it was made. He was so in love with his TransAm, that it only came out of the garage on the weekend and then only for special occasions. (Apparently, only one of our dates rated as a special occasion!)
Let me tell you about the "special" date that rated the TransAm. He came to pick me up, (you could tell he was soooo proud of his car - I was sweet and acted all impressed) he drove to Rock City where he applied copious amounts of sunscreen to every uncovered inch of his body (which thankfully wasn't a lot.) FYI - The Rock City parking lot is considered safe! After we walked through Rock City we went downtown to a restaurant for a late lunch. FYI - Downtown Chattanooga parking is not safe! We parked about a block from the restaurant. I got out of the car and closed my door and started walking towards the restaurant, thinking he was right behind me. I quickly realize he wasn't. I look back and he is still in the car. I walk back to his side of the car and see that he is putting a steering wheel lock on. (I know, I know, I am an evil person, but I lost it. That was the funniest thing I had ever seen.) I mean, maybe, someone, somewhere wanted to steal his TransAm. But it wasn't a classic, it was just an old sports car. I say all of this to say that I should have realized something was up with a single guy who owned three vehicles.
Now this is off the topic of hoarding, but I have to share. Our 4th date was me picking up take out and bringing it to his house. Harry was born and raised in the SOUTH! Harry who was 37 had never eaten a barbequed pork rib in his life. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!! Where had this guy been living? How can you grow up in the south and not have had a rib? So, we had ribs. (Never a 1st date food, but acceptable for the 4th.)
Back to the hoarding....
While the whole "never had a rib" thing had me a bit freaked, I was still willing to take supper to his house and check it out. (I hope I can set this scene.) I pull in to his driveway which is a friggin' nightmare! It was at least a 75 degree angle with no turn around space. His old beat up SUV and his TransAm were parked in the garage and his clunker was parked in the driveway. Of course, there was barely room for the cars in the garage because of all the "stuff" he had in the garage. If you can think of something that has ever been created for hiking or camping it was in that garage! He could have supplied L.L. Bean for at least a year!
Then I walked in the door to the kitchen. There wasn't even room to sit the sack of take out. Every inch of counter space was covered. He had every type of kitchen appliance and gadget you could think of. (Of course, he couldn't cook worth a flip!) He also had ever spare napkin, spoon, knife, fork, straw, and condiment he had ever received at any fast food joint. I mean, he had 100s of spoons, knifes, forks, and straws. The napkins and condiments probably number into the 1000s. It was bizarre!
I think the thing that freaked me out the most in the kitchen was the side cabinet. The cabinet had two drawers. Each drawer was filled with change. On top of and beside the cabinet were at least seven huge jars and bowls full of change. (I worked at a bank for three years so I have a pretty good idea of money.) I estimated that he had $1000+ of change sitting on his kitchen cabinet. Innocently, I asked, "Why don't you take that change and cash it in?" He gave me the strangest look and said, "I just, I just don't want to."
Stay tuned for Hoarders Part II.
Her house paled in comparison to a guy I dated a few years ago. I'll call him Harry, Harry the Hoarder. If Harry hasn't been on an episode of "Hoarders" yet he should be! It was unreal!!! I should have figured out there was an issue when he drove a third car on our third date. He had an old SUV that really needed to go to an impound lot. He had to do some weird something to the engine to get it to start. He had an old clunker that would have been sweet all pimped out. He also had a TransAm that would have been "way cool" in the late '80's when it was made. He was so in love with his TransAm, that it only came out of the garage on the weekend and then only for special occasions. (Apparently, only one of our dates rated as a special occasion!)
Let me tell you about the "special" date that rated the TransAm. He came to pick me up, (you could tell he was soooo proud of his car - I was sweet and acted all impressed) he drove to Rock City where he applied copious amounts of sunscreen to every uncovered inch of his body (which thankfully wasn't a lot.) FYI - The Rock City parking lot is considered safe! After we walked through Rock City we went downtown to a restaurant for a late lunch. FYI - Downtown Chattanooga parking is not safe! We parked about a block from the restaurant. I got out of the car and closed my door and started walking towards the restaurant, thinking he was right behind me. I quickly realize he wasn't. I look back and he is still in the car. I walk back to his side of the car and see that he is putting a steering wheel lock on. (I know, I know, I am an evil person, but I lost it. That was the funniest thing I had ever seen.) I mean, maybe, someone, somewhere wanted to steal his TransAm. But it wasn't a classic, it was just an old sports car. I say all of this to say that I should have realized something was up with a single guy who owned three vehicles.Now this is off the topic of hoarding, but I have to share. Our 4th date was me picking up take out and bringing it to his house. Harry was born and raised in the SOUTH! Harry who was 37 had never eaten a barbequed pork rib in his life. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!! Where had this guy been living? How can you grow up in the south and not have had a rib? So, we had ribs. (Never a 1st date food, but acceptable for the 4th.)
Back to the hoarding....
While the whole "never had a rib" thing had me a bit freaked, I was still willing to take supper to his house and check it out. (I hope I can set this scene.) I pull in to his driveway which is a friggin' nightmare! It was at least a 75 degree angle with no turn around space. His old beat up SUV and his TransAm were parked in the garage and his clunker was parked in the driveway. Of course, there was barely room for the cars in the garage because of all the "stuff" he had in the garage. If you can think of something that has ever been created for hiking or camping it was in that garage! He could have supplied L.L. Bean for at least a year!
Then I walked in the door to the kitchen. There wasn't even room to sit the sack of take out. Every inch of counter space was covered. He had every type of kitchen appliance and gadget you could think of. (Of course, he couldn't cook worth a flip!) He also had ever spare napkin, spoon, knife, fork, straw, and condiment he had ever received at any fast food joint. I mean, he had 100s of spoons, knifes, forks, and straws. The napkins and condiments probably number into the 1000s. It was bizarre!
I think the thing that freaked me out the most in the kitchen was the side cabinet. The cabinet had two drawers. Each drawer was filled with change. On top of and beside the cabinet were at least seven huge jars and bowls full of change. (I worked at a bank for three years so I have a pretty good idea of money.) I estimated that he had $1000+ of change sitting on his kitchen cabinet. Innocently, I asked, "Why don't you take that change and cash it in?" He gave me the strangest look and said, "I just, I just don't want to."
Stay tuned for Hoarders Part II.
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